I have a growing concern that we, as a civilization, did not pay proper attention to the sage teachings of Grover when we were younger. Specifically, I mean this string of wisdom pearls (although, to be fair, Super Grover rocks, and rocks hard). Bottom line: Not all prepositions are synonymous. Yes, I know, it can be confusing, so I am here to help you distinguish among them.
NEAR is not IN
I can see why you would think that casually placing your dirty dishes near the sink is the same as placing them in the sink, but... wait, no, really, I just can't. A circle of plates, each still containing fully 95% of the food you were served, balanced one on top of another, threatening to fall to the floor and concuss any pet unlucky enough to pass below at precisely the wrong time, is NOT the same as plates placed IN the sink. Let's not even discuss rinsing.
BY is not INTO
Sometimes when we are in a hurry, we may forget the rules of grammar. I am here to remind you that when you pass a fellow commuter en route to the 2 train as it threatens to pull out of the station without you, you want to rush BY that commuter, but not INTO her. Here is a neat way to keep this rule straight: after the experience, you want her (or him) to wave 'bye' to you, not cut you 'in two.'
IN FRONT OF is not BEHIND
Sometimes we go to a store, say Duane Reade, and there is a line. Sometimes (all times) we don't want to wait on that line because we, unlike the people in that line, have places to go and people to see that are much more interesting than where we currently find ourselves (staring at another magazine cover featuring Mason Disick, wondering why we know who Mason Disick is and, even more disturbingly, why we know his middle name is Dash and why is it Dash and please, if there is a god, let it not be because the store is named that - and now we are a bit upset that it's a given that we know the name of the Kardashians' store is, in fact, Dash). In this state of mental weakness, we may convince ourselves that BEHIND means IN FRONT OF, so that when it is time to get in line behind all the other slack-jawed tabloid browsers, we accidentally float ahead of everyone and over to the first available cashier.
The distinction between these two prepositions is especially crucial as in certain cities, this mistake could result in a scolding, often by a 5'6", currently red haired woman, who does remember the meaning of the preposition 'in,' as in 'in your face.'
My children ARE DYING TO get the dishes in the sink. They are very short, so they just chuck them over the side in an Olympic type hurling pose and in the process break whatever glass or plate happens to be in there. AWESOME!
ReplyDeleteHysterical imagery. Go out now and replace everything with plastic, while there are lots of seasonal melamine plates. I did that, actually, reducing the likelihood that when the plates fall they will cause my dog serious injury (but not increasing the likelihood that the plates will make their way into the sink).
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