You know how some people tell you they don't watch tv? In addition to being outright hateful, those people are dangerous to us all. Their lack of tv-watching threatens to disrupt the tv/space continuum and potentially dooms all of mankind. Not to worry, though, I am here to save us all, chiefly by watching enough tv myself to make up for all those villainous creatures.
How do I do it? As you can imagine, it is a challenge, what with a job, a family, a whiney dog and the seemingly insatiable desire to bake and eat batches of chocolate chip cookies with an alarming regularity. With true dedication and lots of technology, however, it can be done and done well. Two DVRs, countless dvd players, cable in the kitchen, iPad apps, hulu, on-demand, netflix (streaming and disc, natch) - saving the world requires that all these components work together, and work together harmoniously. Lately, however, the DVR and cable boxes are refusing to play their part and we are all at risk. It is possible I am being unreasonable in my expectations, though, so I will let you be the judge.
Everything but the audio sync:
My kitchen cable box does not feel the need to sync the audio and video and this disturbs me, but maybe it's just me. Maybe other people enjoy the challenge of lip reading and and anticipating what Zoeey Deschenal will say in .5 seconds. OK, to be honest, I can't always even tell if it's the video or the audio that lags. Perhaps this inablity indicates I should actually spend more time watching this way, not less. You tell me.
Disobedience:
Personally, I enjoy the predictablity of a DVR. I like to know that if I have set up a DVR to record a series, record it will. Lately, my DVR has disobeyed these polite requests of mine. I run in to check that a recording is, in fact, underway, only to find that little red light is conspicously dark. When I go to record manually, the DVR tells me just "cannot record right now." Is it just me, or does this DVR just seem like a petulant teenager, refusing to do his chores and then saying he is going out. Where is he going? "Out! Just out!" Maybe you will tell me that I need to live a bit more on the edge, embrace the seeming capriciousness of these machines with which I share my life. What say you?
Darkness on the Edge of Demand:
The seders have come and gone and left behind a new perspective of the ninth plague, that of darkness. Darkness is what I find more times than not after I have watched something on demand. Darkness on every channel. No explanation. Invariably this occurs when I need to see something urgently, but now I have to wait a full 4 minutes for the reboot. Note that "urgently" should really read "'urgently.'" Or should it be '"urgently"'? Again I ask you, am I wrong to be annoyed? Perhaps I should welcome the black screen as an opportunity to connect with my ancestors more often than only two matzo-filled spring nights in a row. If that is the case, then, I have a whole new perspective on the waterbug I saw down in the basement and the plague of locusts.
