I am forever grateful to my family for their constant efforts to ensure that I never face a single moment of boredom, or what other people might call "leisure time." Sometimes my 50-hour a week job and all my household responsibilities (cooking, cleaning, social planning - lately I identify with each and every servant on Downton Abbey) just don't fill my time sufficiently.
Laundry Dispersal
Laundry is a key piece of their strategy. As soon as these people enter our home, they remove their shoes and discard their socks. I don't mean that they place their socks in the hamper, or even crunch them up inside their shoes, I mean they must toss them high into the air, based on where I later discover these socks - adorning the living room rug, jammed between couch cushions, lying actually inside the printer tray (otherwise known as the source for all paper, so much so that on a recent vacation when I told my daughter to write something on paper, she said, "but there is no printer tray in this hotel room"). This action enables me to spend fully 10 minutes a day gathering and matching up socks. I am also proud to report these clever people know that leaving the socks in that balled up, half-in/half-out state that preserves foot sweat so effectively consumes extra seconds as I turn them right side out, even if it does cause me to gag just a little bit.
Needless to say that when any member of my family disrobes, the worn clothing is allowed to drop to the floor right there. Dirty clothes never make it to the hamper without my assistance. The only time a piece of apparel is placed in the hamper by the actual wearer is when the item of clothing is not actually in need of laundering; should one of my family members try on and reject an item of clothing, it is never replaced in the drawer. It is instead dropped in the hamper, allowing me to spend significant time washing, drying and folding that item, unworn as it is.
Total boredom time eliminated: 1 hour
Assignment Amnesia
First, in case you don't have homework-aged kids, I need to tell you that these days homework is a family activity - and not in the way that getting ice cream or visiting Disney is a family activity, more in the way that serving time is a family activity for the members Manson clan. I can't go into the whys and wherefores, just know that no, that's not how it was when you were a child, and yes, that is how it is now. Hours of family time are spent nightly scolding, wheedling, and quizzing, all in the name of education. And that is when your child actually remembers to bring home the assignment!
I am thrilled to report that my children recognize homework for what it truly is, a very valuable opportunity to reduce my downtime. Some nights the workload is minimal and I am in danger of being able to watch Khloe and Lamar (judge me as you must), so in those instances my daughters make sure to leave a book behind, forget a math sheet or entirely misunderstand an assignment. O, the phone calls that follow! O, the faxing! O, the emails! O, the cabs rides back to school! O, the weeping.
Total boredom time eliminated: 2 hours
Sisterly Love
Sometimes a couple of free minutes pop up and my family is quick to fill them, lest that aforementioned boredom overtake me. Both the laundry and homework approaches outlined above require planning, but you can get a rise out of your sister with almost no forethought whatsoever. All it takes is a quick eye roll and 10 minutes are gone. Or tell your sister to stop breathing that way and 30 minutes are accounted for. You can squeeze a full hour out of claiming that your sister is not holding up her end of a complicated trade that involved a book, a DS game, the choice of which iCarly show would be viewed the night before, and three jelly munchkins.
Total boredom time eliminated: 10 minutes to 7 hours
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