Folks, this next one is a two-pronged resolution, but you can handle it. You are tough. You have stopped wearing clothing at home and don't wear yoga clothes when you leave home. You push a stroller only when there is an actual baby in it and you don't address that baby with business jargon. You even replace the toilet paper roll yourself with little to no assistance! You have come this far and I am certain you are up to the related challenges of 'excuse me' and 'sorry.'
Excuse Me
"Excuse me" is a phrase to be used in anticipation of a potential collision. Because this concept seems to be so very difficult for many of the residents of my fair city to grasp, let me draw up a situation to help make my point.
You are in the Gap and you need to pass by a customer to get a closer look at something on the sale rack. You:
a) Stand and wait until the person moves of her own accord
b) Say 'excuse me' and after the other customer has kindly moved out of your way, tear into the sale rack
c) Walk right into that customer, mumbling 'excuse me' as you do so
The correct answer here is b. Let's analyze why. If you chose answer a, how are you enjoying your visit to NYC from the Midwest? Here in New York, we never wait for anything unnecessarily, and certainly not patiently. If you chose answer c, you are not saying 'excuse me' to avoid a collision, but are almost wielding it as a weapon. Don't get me wrong, I love a good weapon, but that is not the function of 'excuse me'; it is the function of your two middle fingers, however. Only in answer b do you properly use excuse me to alert the customer that she is where you need to be and ask her to please move.
Are you beginning to get it? Here is a more challenging question for you to try your hand at. You are in the Fairway, a local and always insanely crowded supermarket, and you need to pass by a customer to pick out some artisenal scones. You:
a) Stand and wait until the person moves of her own accord
b) Say 'excuse me' and after the other customer has kindly moved out of your way, tear into the artisnal baked goods
c) Walk right into that customer, mumbling 'excuse me' as you do so
Trick question! Even in a very crowded situation, you must still say excuse me before you move into a space currently occupied by another person. Sorry, that's that's just the way it goes. Which segues nicely to...
"Sorry"
Sometimes, despite all our best efforts to properly apply the phrase 'excuse me,' we make a mistake and bump into someone. I did it myselfonce. In such an instance, you are to say you are sorry and move on. In the event that somebody should do the same to you, assuming that they have caused you no actual bodily injury, you are obligated to accept the 'sorry' you receive, also assuming the energy with which it was said matches the situation.
If you spill a full cup of hot coffee down the back of a stranger because you pull up short at a light, while walking no less, you owe that poor woman (in the really cute pink top she is wearing for the first time ever) a full-on apology. She is now wearing an entire cup of hot coffee on her back. While that must be an inconvenience to you, what with your having to now return to Starbucks, she is in actual pain and you owe her a sincere apology.
If that same woman in the cute pink top should accidentally walk in front of you while you are pushing your baby in a stroller, causing no injury at all, and then apologize sincerely, you are obligated to accept this apology. You should not continue to shoot mean looks at her and say nasty things about her under your breath to your friend, because she will in fact turn around and ask you just what the hell you want her to do or say to make up for the fact that she briefly stepped in your path. She may even display the aforementioned weapons, even though her mother is with her.
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