Thankful, Angry NYC Chick Style

As Thanksgiving roars its wattled head, I list some items for which I am thankful. I am thankful that:

• We have not heard from Helen Hunt in a while. I liked her in Mad About You (we liked it at the time, remember? don't pretend we didn't), but then she transformed into a severely hawk-faced leading lady who proved that you can lose weight and actually look worse  (which gives me the opportunity to reference one of my favorite Friends quotes  "she's all bitter now that she lost the weight and it turns out she doesn't have a pretty face"). Once I had to watch her chase tornadoes or single mother the predictably ill child, I found her utterly insufferable. 

• It is too soon for Bridesmaids 2. The first one was so horrible, you just know a second one will follow.  First, of course, we'll get a half dozen or so knockoffs featuring women puking and worse.  These are the equal rights we fought for?

• I no longer live at 32nd street, around the corner from Macy's.  To begin with that whole area is nightmarishly crowded with both tourists and New Yorkers, about 4,000 of them packed into each sidewalk square.  But bring on the holidays, and you question your choice to live in New York versus, say, a space station that sees visitors once every six months (who bring you supplies! it's home delivery - in space!). As the days count down to the Thanksgiving Day Parade, the streets are filled with literally hundreds of cheerleaders.  In their matching uniforms.  And their jackets.  All wearing pontyails. And bright smiles. (I saved the worst part for last.) Following Thanksgiving, and the return of the cheerleaders to their home planet (around the corner from the space station), the population of the entire middle of the country flies in to walk as slowly as possible, arm in arm, down these same streets.

• I finally got that Friday song out of my mind.  Well, I had until it was satired in a Black Friday commercial for some store that I would surely avoid if I could even remember what it was.  I guess if you are going to create a commercial that pisses viewers off, at least design it in such away that they can't remember what you were advertising in the first place.  Also - way to remain topical.

• And, no mention of Thanksgiving is complete without identifying the holiday by its true name, Slapsgiving.  Not enough of you watch How I Met Your Mother, which is (was) one of the most awesome shows on TV.  You know, if you don't count Two and a Half Men or that show with Jim Belushi, whom I still can't believe anyone watches deliberately.

Goodnight - and remember to overindulge!