The One Ass One Seat Policy

I subscribe wholeheartedly to the 'one ass one seat policy' and you'd better too.  It is the way and the light.  You have one ass, you execute one metro card swipe - you are entitled to one seat on the subway or bus.  That's it.  Not one for you and one for your dry cleaning.  Not one for you and one for your feet.  Not even one for you on the bus aisle, leaving that window seat open for anyone who dares to climb over you, which is an acrobatic feat even when you swing your legs into the aisle in order to appear as if you are being helpful, when in reality you are just a selfish pig.  One freaking seat for your one freaking ass.  You know where you can have two seats? In a taxi.