A dog is not a child. There, I said it. I have the best dog in the entire world (this has been proven through clinical trials), and Stella is still not a person. What does this mean? A number of things. For starters, it means I am not required to engage in long conversations at 6:30 AM with other dog owners about my dog - her likes, her dislikes, her hopes and dreams, her culinary preferences, which at one point included her own waste. I have contemplated buying a shirt for dog-walking purposes only that says "I have ACTUAL Children" to ward off these people who call their dogs "fur children," but I am concerned they will physically harm me. Seriously (meaning both that I am being serious and that they will seriously harm me).
Here's what else it means. It means that Stella is much easier to take care of than a child. When we first got Stella, we fielded a lot of knowing comments along the lines of, "It's like having another child, right?" I hope not. Did you leave your child alone at 3 months old? Do you serve him a bowl of the same kibble every day - on the floor? Did you have her trained to poop on the sidewalk at 5 months old? (Listen, please don't answer 'yes' to any of these questions in the comments section, because I am fairly certain I have a moral and legal obligation to report you to the proper authorities and I just can't spare the time.) It also means that, unlike a child, a dog does not require daycare or play dates. Really, she just doesn't, no matter how cute the name of the place is, or how many puns it contains. She does, however, require cute vests and humiliating costumes. That's just an irrefutable law of nature.
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